Poetry by Pam

Do black lives really matter? when you rejected our love in favor of sex as if we were some random chicks Do black lives really matter? when money meant more to you as if we could raise our children with just a check Do black lives really matter? when you pass around STDs as if keeping one partner safe isn't enough Is running away how you address all your problems? Running away from the police Running away from your responsibilities Running away from your past Stop running and face your problems like a man Then maybe i'll lay on the ground and sing "We shall overcome" too forget if black lives matter to them they got to first matter to you

Climbing becomes a daunting task Then it seems too much to ask The weight heavy and load borrowed Bestows upon me slow painful tomorrows When it comes time to lighten the load I felt guilty strange powerful bold Weight gone found me in better health And I used that energy to better myself The time I have I don't want to waste For destiny has shown me a better place

A part of me was inspired The other part was scared Sometimes I was too ashamed and tempted but never dared Insecurities ruled the night kept me tamed throughout the day But now the struggle is over I have too much in me to say What was once suppressed cannot be contained What is now the past memories distantly remained Moving forward is now my charge to keep The future awaits its my turn to speak

Becoming bored with playing games distraction to come from mistaken claims Taking time to develop me like unfinished art and unplanted seed Restored faith and confidence grew back on track with plans renewed Watching faithful as God manages doors and opportunities awaiting his promises Growing into what people see their dreams becoming apart of me

It took courage to begin to fall down, only delays the win I thank God for energy falling along the way was only a part of the price I had to pay the real cost I couldn't afford was to end this journey without the Lord Did I lose sometimes, yes but that didn't make me a loser because I gave it my best You may look at me and say "but you didnt win" To that I respond, we haven't yet made it to the end

If 20 sit ups paid for your sideways glance when I danced across the floor pretending to ignore toes that were sore in shoes that lit up fresh sparkling diamonds dripping like the dew from wildflowers If 20 sit ups the reason your eyes waned could not contain beads that drained as if sweat could demand respect and repeat mathematical equations and symetrical diagrams ripped the moonlit sky on nights that make you believe that good smelling breath was captured in bottles sold in stores If 20 sit ups equated to your quiet approval attention deficit removal waiting for just the right time I put on my red dress slip on my high heels and some of that sweet perfume Oh you talented brother as if hard work and lace were the perfect compliment to your my oh my as if you studied the pulse of my one, two, three matched melody per melody and together those repetitious 20 sit ups became our mantra for a future of improvement

I heard you, I saw And breathed a sigh of relief Because it was finally over I survived From time to time I'd look back in regret Longing and missing Looking for something in nothing I framed a picture At the front door of my mind A special place Deserving of defeat and dignity Escape could have been sweeter But pleasure ensued from Crossing the threshold And learning from my mistake